


And Then He Met Cas

by superchester



Series: And So It Goes [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Deaf Dean Winchester, Depression, M/M, Minor talk of depression, gay relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3164852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superchester/pseuds/superchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is just getting into his first year of college.</p>
<p>He's doing alright, doesn't talk to very many people... no one really talks to him. He's kind of lonely. And he misses his family.</p>
<p>And then he meets Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Then He Met Cas

Dean meets Cas during lunch his third week into Northeastern University. There’s no fated meeting of eyes across the caf, no ‘oops sorry I bumped into you, here let me pick up your books for you’, just Dean sitting at a corner table, eating a ham and cheese on rye, alone (like he usually does), and then he’s there, plopped right in the empty seat across the table.

Dean only just manages not to jolt in his chair and drop his sandwich in shock. More than anything else, not hearing people as the approach bothers him the most. He feels like he’s living his entire life looking over his shoulder to check if anyone’s following behind him. A habit he developed after what happened in the parking lot of the last dumpy hotel he’d ever stay in.

After a very uncomfortable two minutes with Cas talking at Dean and Dean trying to tell him he couldn’t hear, (Dean finally signed I can’t hear and Cas’ too bright blue eyes had lightened with understanding) they settled into some sort of awkward, note writing based lunch date.

It’s been a week since that day, now Dean wakes up to notes shoved under the door of his single dorm room. Notes saying things like, “Have a great day, I’ll see you later” and “I watched ten million ASL videos last night, my brain is melting and my fingers are cramping.”

And Dean is feeling things. Things he’s positive Cas isn’t also feeling. But the thing is, Cas is the first person who has bothered making an effort to talk to him. Aside from the translators in his classes, and a couple of other students here and there who are studying ASL, there aren’t that many people he can talk to without passing notes. He doesn’t blame anyone for it. Learning a whole new language just to talk to him… well, he isn’t worth that much effort.

(Dean tries not to go down this line of thought too often, Pamela wouldn’t like it, and sometimes, if he’s had a particularly good day, he’ll remember the coping mechanisms she taught him.)

This morning he slept in till 10am, lounging in bed instead of greeting the day. He doesn’t have any classes until 3pm, and that’s the last of his classes before the weekend. It isn’t that Dean doesn’t enjoy going to class, he does, but when you’re majoring in multimedia fine arts with a focus on photography, he often finds himself awake before the sun trying to catch pictures or paint sunrises on the roof of his dorm building before classes.

Friday is his scheduled “lounge in bed till 10” day.

Only someone is flicking the light switch installed outside his room to work as a door knocking equivalent. Dean can see the small red light above the door turn on and off repeatedly. He can’t think of anyone who would want to visit him this early, and he’s sure he didn’t forget some scheduled appointment.

Dean heaves himself out of bed with a heavy sigh, wrapping his quilt around his naked shoulders as he goes. It’s beginning to get colder in the mornings, he may have to consider wearing more than boxer shorts for pajamas in the near future.

Through the peephole, to his great surprise (and unmentionable delight) he sees that it’s Castiel standing out in the hallway.

Dean throws open the door without a second thought. (A second thought that might have spared him the embarrassment of Cas seeing him in nothing but boxers and the blanket he’s currently wearing as a cape.)

Cas raises his eyebrows and looks him up and down, Dean is sure he’s flushed all the way down to his bellybutton. “Just woke up.” he signs, then remembers Cas doesn’t know what he’s signing. His shoulders slump a little.

Cas passes him the legal pad of notebook paper they’ve been using to communicate.

“Just woke up,” he writes, then adds, “Why you here? Before he hands it back to Cas.

Cas reads, looks at Dean, eyebrows pinched together, then writes, “Can I come inside?” and only then does Dean realize they’re still standing in the doorway.

He steps out of the way and pushes Castiel inside towards the desk and chair, which Cas opts to ignore, plopping down on Dean’s unmade bed instead.

On their notebook Cas writes, “Brunch maybe? New place I think you might like.”

Dean sits carefully beside him, not too close but not too far, reading over Cas’ shoulder. He nods his assent when Cas looks at him for an answer.

Then Cas writes, “Sorry I woke you.” But Dean shakes his head, grabs the thin-tipped sharpie from Cas’ hand and scrawls, “I’m glad you came.” smiling at Cas to show he means it.

Cas smiles too and suddenly they’re very close together, and Dean realizes he hadn’t moved away after taking the marker, and he thinks maybe Cas is leaning towards him because he can see bright blue eyes in exquisite detail. Dean shoots up off the bed.

He doesn’t chance a glance at Cas as he pulls clothes out of his chest of drawers and heads into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Dean sits on the closed toilet, face in his hands. He’s practically shaking like a leaf, he’s so pathetic. Before he’s had time to pull himself into some semblance of togetherness though, a note slips under the door.

“I’m sorry.” It reads, “I hadn’t meant to unsettle you. I should have asked first.”

And isn’t that just the thing? Cas is more than… Dean doesn’t even know how to complete that sentence. Cas is just. More. He’s just more.

More than enough. More than he needs. More than… anything. And he’s right outside the door apologizing to Dean for doing something Dean’s been thinking about since the day they met and Dean is hiding in the bathroom.

Overwhelmed with gratitude for Cas and his usual cycle of self-loathing, Dean slides open the lock, wrapping his arms around himself and leaning against the sink as the door is pushed open the rest of the way.

Cas looks tentative, nervous. Dean tries to offer a small smile of reassurance. A ‘hey, it’s not your fault I’m bat-shit crazy’ sort of thing, but all he manages is a facial twitch that probably looks more like a pained grimace than anything else.

On the notepad Cas writes, “Hey.” And passes it to Dean.

Dean looks at the word. The small, scribbled harmless little word and the lump in his throat is quick in coming. Too quick for him to swallow back forcefully. Too quick to choke it down.

He starts to cry. Only really realizing tears are falling when his vision blurs and droplets of salty water land on the word. The ‘H’ in “Hey” melts into a blob.

Two hands land on his hunched shoulders, move to his bowed head, lift his face, cup his cheeks. Dean doesn’t even really know why he’s crying. Except sometimes this happens, sometimes the day is just bad and the feelings just creep up on him and he’ll cry or bite off all his nails overcome with anxiety and self-hatred, and the crushing, nonsensical weight of blame he’s carried so dutifully over the years.

Castiel’s thumbs swipe under his eyes and over his cheeks, wiping away tears. Dean’s vision is still a little swimmy, but he can see how sad Cas looks, how sympathetic, and Dean hates it. Hates to be pitied, hates to be coddled.

He shoves Castiel’s hands away without really thinking about it, without really registering the hurt on Cas’ face as he blows passed him, grabbing his bag and his keys, only inches from the door when he notices his feet and legs are bare. Along with the rest of him. He’s still in only his boxers.

Shamed on top of everything else, Dean retreats from his poorly planned escape, back to his bed, back to his pillow and blankets and comfort. He doesn’t look up from the floor as he makes his way, doesn’t want to take a chance in catching Castiel’s eyes, just slinks his way over, crawls into bed and pulls the covers up over his head.

If he’s going to lose his only friend because of his own idiocy, he’d rather not watch.

The bed dips beside his head, and the covers he’s clutching are tugged down to his chest. Cas’ face, blurred by tears, comes into view. He passes Dean the notepad.

“Dean,” it reads. That’s it. Like Castiel is just asking for him to listen.

Dean looks up at Cas. He’s gotten closer. One hand placed on the outside of Dean’s torso to balance as he leans over Dean. Cas uses his free hand to brush the wetness on Dean’s cheek.

Dean is...stilled. If breathing weren’t a necessity he feels that his chest wouldn’t be moving steadily up and down either.

The arm extended across his body bends as Cas brings his face closer to Dean’s. There’s a brief pause, a moment in which Dean can feel Cas exhale, warm air against his damp skin, wide blue eyes looking straight into his- then suddenly Cas is there, lips against his, soft but firm, nose brushing alongside Dean’s.

For a second Dean doesn’t know how to respond. He’s never kissed anyone before, he doesn’t know what’s right, what’s next, what’s done. Does he press back? How hard? Should he move his head or purse his lips, close his mouth, open his mouth?

Before Dean has time to trip himself into a full fledged panic attack, Cas shifts above him, resting his upper body along Dean’s both hands cupping his face. Gentle fingers stroke the hair above his ear, and Dean… well, Dean just lets himself be.

-

Two weeks into… this. Dean texts Sammy.

-

Then Pamela.

-

A month later, he tells dad.

-

Two days after that, dad calls Cas while Dean sits patiently by his side not eavesdropping.

-

When Christmas break comes, Cas goes home with him to Sioux Falls. They take Cas’ car and road trip for hours. At first Dean was worried Cas might get bored, driving in silence. (You can’t really carry out scintillating conversations in ASL while concentrating on the road.)

But Cas puts his hand on Dean’s knee, brushing his thumb back and forth, glancing over every once and a while to smile at Dean or say something with his ever-improving signing skills.

-

Not really anything can compare to the swelling happiness in Dean’s chest when Sammy, (who at 14 has more hair and lankiness than Dean has ever had,) ignores Cas’ outstretched hand and hugs him.

Castiel looks for all the world like he’s going to run as fast as he can in the other direction when Sam envelopes him in the most crushing hug he can manage, but instead, his hands come up to pat Sam’s back awkwardly.

Dean feels like his grin is splitting his lips.

He can’t help but feel his family’s acceptance of him… of Castiel, who is so, so very important to Dean, has made another significant crack in the seeping darkness that sometimes- most times- overwhelms him.

Sam releases Cas in favor of hugging Dean. When they part, Sam signs, “I’m so glad you found him.” to which Dean replies with a self-conscious shrug, “He found me.”

-

It’s simple, really. The way the are.

At school they meet after or between classes in the courtyard beneath the huge oak tree just at the edge of the Fine Arts complex.

Cas brings Dean things sometimes, flowers, pretty rocks, pictures or memes he finds funny on his phone. Dean brings stuff for Cas too, occasionally. Mostly Dean just helps him sign so that they can talk consistently.

-

This is their sixth month together as… boyfriends. Dean isn’t sure if celebrating this mark is a thing that they do. He feels like every day with Cas is as great as the last if not better, so a special celebration for their six month seems… well, it doesn't seem like anything.

But it might be something for Castiel. So Dean isn’t sure.

They already give each other things. Homemade or spontaneously found things, but gifts all the same.

Dean text Sam about it when he feels anxiety beginning to prickle at the back of his neck as he lounges in bed on his first day of late starting classes since he returned from break.

Dean: Its Cas and my 6 mos 2gther day, wht shld I do? Need hlp asap.

He’s tossing and turning in his bed for at least 5 minutes before Sam finally replies.

Sammy: Dude, again, text full words, text talk is so lame.

Dean: Scrw u hlp meeee :((((

Sammy: Just give him a flower or whatever it is you guys do.

Sammy: Do NOT tell me what you guys do.

Dean: We dnt DO anythng.

Sammy: Wait what? Really?

Dean: ….

Sammy: No. I changed my mind. Don’t tell me.

Dean: Thrs nthng 2 tll u.

Sammy: Dean. Is everything okay?

Dean: Wht? Ya, man.

Dean nearly drops his phone on his face when he sees an notification for an incoming text from Dad and, seconds later, Pamela.

Pamela isn’t technically his therapist anymore, but Dean still talks to her about things he can’t seem to talk to Dad and Sam about.

But when he reads her text, he can’t help but feel annoyed at his family for assuming there’s something wrong with him all the time.

Dr. Barnes: Hey bud, everything okay?

Dad: Whts going on son

Dean sits up in bed, eyebrows drawn together tightly. He knows what this is about.

He ignores Dad and Pamela’s texts and sends one to Sammy instead.

Dean: Scrw u theres nthing wrng w/ me.

And shuts his phone off. No one ever said Dean wasn’t one for stewing.

He punches his pillow into shape and forces himself to sleep.

-

Dean wakes in the morning to the red light above his door flashing frantically. Momentarily forgetting what made him so upset the night before, Dean hops out of bed, sure that it’s Cas at his door here to surprise him.

It is Cas behind the door.

But he isn’t there to “surprise” Dean.

Although Cas is nearly fluent in ASL his hand movements are jerky at best when he signs at Dean, a mixture of angry and relieved words Dean can only barely catch.

When Cas finally stops pacing back and forth long enough to take a breath, Dean seizes his chance to get a word in edgewise.

“I didn’t mean to worry everyone. I just wanted to be by myself for awhile.”

All the frustration seems to leach right out of Castiel after that, leaving him slouched over with his arms hanging by his sides.

“I’m sorry.” Dean tries, plopping on the bed and drawing his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

“Your family is very worried about you, you should contact them.”

Dean nods, reaching under his pillow for his phone. He holds it in his hand and takes a chance looking up at Castiel who has covered his face with his hands, head shaking slowly.

Dean bites his lip nervously. He taps his foot on the floor to get Cas’ attention. “Come sit with me?”

Cas doesn’t even hesitate, just crawls up beside Dean and hugs him tightly, arms wrapped around Dean’s shoulders and knees. Dean can feel Castiel breathing against his neck.

“You scared me.” Cas signs against Dean’s chest.

Heart twisting with anxiety, Dean apologizes again.

Cas kisses the side of his head before pulling away, squeezing Dean’s hand around his phone. “Text your Dad, Dean. We can talk about this after.”

Dean nods again and does as he’s told.

When his phone buzzes to life there are about a dozen texts from Dad, Pamela, Sam, and even Bobby, all of them saying things to the effect of ‘where are you’ and ‘Dean, answer right now’.

Dean texts Dad first, already dreading the response he’s sure to receive.

Dean: Srry, trned my phone off was sleeping

It only takes ten seconds for his Dad to formulate a reply.

Dad: Damn it Dean, wht were u thnking? U tryna put me in an erly grve?

Before he can reply he gets texts from Bobby, Pamela, and Sam.

Sam: Fuck Dean, we thought you went off and did something stupid. I’m glad you’re okay, jerk.

Bobby: Glad you’re okay, damn idjit.

Pamela: Dean, buddy, never ever do that again, I’m too young for gray hair.

Stomach clenching and chest aching Dean replies to all of them one at a time, apologizing and promising not to do anything like that again.

Castiel stays beside him, occasionally leaving kisses in Dean’s hair.

Sometimes Dean wonders if maybe he isn’t being fair to Cas. He keeps things from Castiel. Avoids any talk of his mom or what happened between then and moving to Sioux Falls. Cas doesn’t even know why his family freaks out so much about things like this. Shit, Castiel doesn’t even know how Pamela became apart of Dean’s family in the first place.

But. But the thing is, Dean can’t just tell Cas all that crap. His excuse before was that Cas couldn’t understand ASL and it would take too long to write it all down, now though, now Dean’s excuse is that he’s scared.

He’s scared that when Castiel finds out how truly fucked up Dean really is he’ll go running in the opposite direction.

(And he’s scared to let himself be that vulnerable. To let someone else hold that much of him. And fuck. He just really can’t lose Cas, okay?)

Cas must pick up on his downturned mood because suddenly he’s right in Dean’s face, pushing him back on the bed and curling up beside him. Another time Dean will complain about the coddling. About Cas’ smothering arm around his waist and his lips pressing repeatedly against the skin behind his ear. But for now Dean just lets Cas.

(But for now Dean just lets himself.)

-

The sort-of-not-really-almost fight blows over by the next day. Dean still hasn’t managed to tell Cas everything, but he did tell Cas that he would when he feels ready. That’s a step, Dean thinks. A step in some direction at least. He isn’t necessarily sure it’s the ‘right’ direction.

Otherwise they go about their lives as normal, aside from their usual hanging out on campus or in Dean’s dorm, he and Cas have started what Cas likes to call “The Greatest Pie Quest to Have Ever Been”. Together they go from diner to diner searching for what Dean will deem “the greatest pie”.

So far they’ve crossed 10 different diners off the list, spent a good chunk of money on slices of pie, and decided that the greatest pie had still yet to be found.

Dean likes to think that even if he and Castiel weren’t together, they would still do things like this.

He doesn’t tell Cas about his line of thinking. Castiel doesn’t like it when Dean gets down on himself.

-

When Dean finally does tell Castiel about what happened to him, he supposes he isn’t completely surprised about Cas’ reaction.

Which doesn’t stop the pleasant feeling that washes over him and swells his heart when Cas kisses his cheek and hugs him tightly.

“Thank you.” Dean signs, when they part.

Cas shakes his head and touches his mouth to Dean’s.

And Dean can feel how much he loves Castiel right down to his toes.

But he doesn’t say it. Not yet.

**  
  
  
**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this, my confidence in my writing (and in myself) isn't the greatest.
> 
> I do apologies for inaccuracies. Let me know, and I'll do my best to fix it.


End file.
